14 July 1806

Eliza Flower at Plymouth to Benjamin Flower at Harlow, Monday, 14 July 1806.

Plymouth Monday July 14 1806

My dear Benjamin

I feel I assure you most happy indeed at the near prospect of my return to you & my sweet babes. We leave Plymouth by the diligence to morrow, which takes 3 inside, & one outside passing there being 4 of us (viz) M^rs Freeman M^rs Armitage Mary &myself we have taken the whole coach so that we can all ride inside or out as we like, & in consequence of our taking the coach entirely to ourselves they will allow the coach to set off 2 hours earlier than usual & we shall reach Tiverton the same night.

I am much concerned for poor John, his state of health is alarming & this love affair has still such fast hold of him as almost to incapacitate him for business; I have no doubt but his illness proceeds entirely from his disappointment added to the reflection on the ill usage he has received. He was yesterday in so unhappy a state of mind that he beckoned me out of the room & requested I would sit with him a little while, that he might endeavour to relieve his mind by conversing with me—the more I see of the disposition of my brother & the very correct & steady manner in which he conducts himself (& he reasons in his cooler moments as a man should do—respecting this unhappy affair) & the more I hear of the cruel manner in which he has been treated the more I am shocked, & my great fear is that he will carry the ill effects of Miss Hawkes’s conduct to wound him thro life—he said to me yesterday—“Sister I am ruined the world is nothing to me—& I never, no never whilst I live can ever put confidence in another woman—all my Ideas & hopes of domestic happiness & of being a settled man are blasted; & I never shall be happy more[”]—his judgement is now convinced that whatever might happen to throw her in his way—that he never ought to marry her—but I believe he had hopes & rather trusted to the chapter of Accidents for producing an Ecclaircissement but the letter containing your conversation & hers (the whole of which he has seen) together with some observat­ions of M^r Hawkes’s, has so completely removed every shadow of hope & so thoroughly convinced him of the Lady’s duplicity that he now resigns himself to those feelings which are undermining his health.

I am anxious to get him to return her letters it should be done but he says he never can write her more however I will endeavour to prevail on him to address a note to her & to require a return of his own letters—do write him an affectionate letter. I had hoped you would have done so whilst I had been here he feels himself greatly obliged & very grateful, & very sorry at the same time for all the trouble you have had. Mary’s lover is here—he is I dare say a good kind of man & I suppose has a regard for her but he would not have been the man of my choice he appears to be a perfectly steady man & his moral character is good & people in general are ready to appropriate the characters of a military man very highly if he be not a rake; but that he is not. I consider him a negative sort of character & a person not calculated to bustle thro life I have been very faithful with Mary & when she has asked it have given her my opinion freely. Tho steadiness is an essential qualification in a man it is but one amongst many which the man I married must possess & so have told her. But more of this when I see you next week.

I have been most gratified with the novelties which Plymouth & the neighbourhood exhibit—we went one day thro the dock yard & another day had a sail to Saltram. Yesterday my Brother got a dock vessel & took M^rs F Mary&M^r Yates almost to the Edistone, I did not go. We had arranged matters to have gone a gypsying as they call it to Mount Edgecombe but the day would not serve it has rained hard all the morning—the country about Plymouth is very beautiful but I am still partial to Harlow as I dare say I should be to any spot where you & myself & dear children could be happy. The more I see of the world the more I am convinced how much happiness is in our own reach, & how near it resides to the home of the man who looks no farther than for the approbation of his conscience & his God. I have put the question to myself how far worldly prosperity is necessary to my happiness; but according to my present feelings & Ideas I could never be unhappy in any situation with you my children—health& the meer common necessaries of life—I trust I shall find you all well & expect Sarah has learned to chatter a good deal—will she know me when I return—I rather expect she will—I long to be with you & shall enjoy home with tenfold relish. This jaunt to Plymouth has been of much service to me & I was never in better health. I fear I have lost time in the preserving way unless the fruit here ripens earlier than at Harlow but this I must leave.

Respecting Wallnuts I wish Bet would call at M^r Mumfords & enquire of M^rs Sharp whether the Wallnuts are ripe—she promised me a thousand if they are tell Jane to slice the thousand & put them in pins or jars putting a layer of wallnuts & then a half handful of salt & so on till the pans are filled when they should be sent to be baked in a slow oven, & have some brown paper tied over; the oven must not be too hot—they should be put in after the bread is drawn. Jane must put the nuts in large brown coarse jars & if she does not know how she had better enquire of M^rs Stokes as she helped me do them last year—but I would rather if possible the wallnuts should hang till I return if they will not be [illegible] The wallnuts should be sliced in 3 or four pieces according to their size to ripe tho at any rate let M^rs Sharp be spoken too lest she should forget she promised me I hope Jane will mind to keep the best knives & forks in good order—shall expect to see my Garden very gay & plants in the pots healthy my next letter will inform you of the day when we shall be in London where I hope to meet you as M^rs F does M^r F. M^rs Freeman will thank you to let M^r Freeman know she is quite well she will inform him what day we mean to set out from Ottery. Kiss dear Eliza & Sarah for dear Mamma (now dont forget it) & believe me dear love

y^rs affectionately

E Flower

Note: For the complete annotated text, see Timothy Whelan, ed., Politics, Religion, and Romance: The Letters of Benjamin Flower and Eliza Gould Flower, 1794-1808 (Aberystwyth: National Library of Wales, 2008), pp. 324-27.